Larry the Cable Guy

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Boy, good to see you. Good to see you.

I a horrible nightmare last night. I I had drunk the world's largest margarita, and I up this morning and there salt on the toilet lid. Thank God I the worm in there. I'll tell you that right there! Boy, that good right there.

It a crazy week. I one of those 900-talk dirty numbers the other day. you ever one of them? That's it? Two people? That's it? And those voices sounded familiar to be honest with you. Well, don't call. It's a rip-off. I a girl that and it me $1700 on that deal in there. Can you believe that?

But I love women. I date this one girl who had one boob bigger than the other, and she in a wet t-shirt contest and first and third place right there at the contest. Bless her heart. I so proud of my sister. Bless her heart. I'll tell you.

That's right. I date this one girl who like Michelle Pfeiffer, only a little shorter and the face different. I , and it like Michelle Pfeiffer. The next morning Barney Fifer is lying there in the bed there next to me. She ugly.

I had one girl who had a beauty mark on her cheek. That's pretty sexy, like Cindy Crawford. We get to kissing and stuff, I , and it was a tick! Yeah. I know. I like a set of rims at a Puff Daddy concert. I'll tell you now. I was out the door, out the door.

So, I shopping around today and went to the mall and went in. Have you ever seen this Pet Smart? The critter store? Do you know what they have got in there? A dog water purifying machine. Can you believe that? $75, a dog water purifying machine. I'm like what does that thing do right there? He says it purifies your dog's drinking water. Well, he just a turd 10 minutes ago over there. Do you got any turd purifying machines in here, for Pete's sakes? What in the world? That's like wiping before you poop. It doesn't make sense to do something like that. It doesn't make any sense at all.